woke up this morning and headed to church. sat with a friend and got caught up on what's he's been up to. left church feeling slightly sad, not sure why. didn't really have a plan for the day. got home, checked my email. nothing new to report. no new art clients, no fun letters from friends. fell asleep for about an hour, got up still feeling sad. maybe sad isn't the right word, maybe just lonely. that wretched day that is 2/14 is coming up, and it brings with it an anticipation and hope, and a feeling of expected let down. it's looking like i'll be alone again.
this past year was so odd. It had been 10 years since i had dated anyone and then all of a sudden, I ended up dating lots of guys, or at least going on lots of dates. but this year, nothing. the last relationship i was in, i broke things off on christmas eve. what awful timing huh? it never would have worked.. he lived too far away, and our beliefs were no where near similar. in fact, they were as opposite as they could be. but he was sweet, and i found the decision difficult.
I find i've been tempted to return to previous relationships, just for the sake of getting rid of the gnawing lonely feeling. I get bored and i want someone to hold me and make me laugh. at times i don't even really care who i'd be held by. a scary thing to admit, especially over the internet. lol I've also found that i have this nagging voice in the back of my head saying that i need to lower my standards because i'm being unreasonable.
but the truth is
1. i've made a decision to wait for the right guy
2. i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
3. if a guy isn't about protecting my purity, than he's not about loving my heart either. i will not settle, i've waited too long
4. i wish my future husband would hurry the hell up. LOL
for dinner tonight i went and got stir fried veggies and rice. i cheated and ate my fortune cookie. i couldn't help myself. haha! it told me that an unexpected visitor would bring me gifts or something... so friends, and presents... 2 of my favorite things! :)
i went to the grocery store and bought some veggie cheese. its presliced, and it's suppose to taste like chedder. tomorrow i'm going to put it on my brown rice, gluten free bread and make myself a grilled "cheese" sandwich. if you don't hear from me, you'll know what happened. haha
i may post a picture of it if it turns out well...
I might go see a movie with a friend tonight, not sure.
i'm hoping tomorrow will be sunny. i'm in need to a long walk outside.
thinking about starting to write comics again, it's been a long while, and it's always good for me to find the humor in situations. found a couple old ones i had started from way back when i lived with liesl... good times.
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