joy all bottled up

confession...
every time i watch the movie Coraline, i have the strong desire to paint my fingernails blue.
i've been babysitting a little boy who's current favorite movie happens to be coraline.
last week i went out and spent $5 on blue nail polish.
it seems like a ridiculous purchase. however, i'm typing this while my electric blue polish is drying, and it has brought considerable joy to my day. maybe it's worth $5 just for that. and it will last me a while... years of joy, all packaged in a little glass bottle. i guess i've never thought of nail polish that way, it always seemed to be an impulse purchase, but i've always loved the crazy colors they've come out with. i'm not sure how many i currently own, but it's probably at least 50. most of them I don't use... some are definite favorites. the ones i don't use are ones that might work for having to dress up professionally, or they're one's that were given to me, or ones that i've had since high school (that was a while ago! haha)

this past weekend i went with a friend to the Edgar Allen Poe museum in Richmond. also got to meet up with a couple friends while i was there... it was a nice trip. i bought a patch to add to my collection, and a book of Poe's Poetry.
I picked up a magazine on Richmond when we stopped at the Virginia welcome center. I found an add that sells chartered hot air balloon rides. Looked up the website, it's $300 for a single person, $250 per person for a couple. God I'd love to do that. It'll happen some day.

today i start eating healthy again. i gave myself a break from the strictness for a couple weeks. my friend Kirk gave me a link to a meal plan program, haven't figured it all out yet... he also stepped me through some exercises that kick my tail. have to start getting up earlier and heading to the gym immediately upon waking. ugh.
trying not to focus on discouragement, need to focus on the benefits of eating healthy, and all the energy and happiness that i get from working out regularly. i want to become someone that loves working out. it can happen, right?
no, i don't want that cookie, may i have an apple instead? oh, i love salads... haha.
goodness.
i guess even if i just change a couple things a day, make a couple wise choices instead of eating what ever i want, it will help. i do tend to work better with some sort of a plan... but counting things doesn't work very well, mostly cuz i lose track.

today, after babysitting, i'm meeting up with a lady that wants me to do 1 or 2 drawings for her. i'm pretty excited about it... i'm definitely needing the business. goodness.
tomorrow i'm heading to Marion to visit my dear friend Jessica, it will be so good to see her! it's been far too long. she quickly became a best friend while in our 2nd year of ministry school, never laughed harder with another human being. was happy for her when she got married, but i've missed her since she's moved away.

seems there's so much i want to work on/work towards. I spend far too much time on facebook. gotta stop wasting the time i have. gonna start making a schedule to follow... maybe that'll help.

ponderings.

it's been several days since my last entry. I'm still doing the Daniel Fast, I've decided to keep going until February 12th. Which is 40 days, and also happens to be my friend's birthday party. I plan on eating cheese.. you better believe it. haha.
I still haven't lost a whole lot. It's a bit frustrating, knowing that in previous years I typically lost about 30 pounds. This year, so far, I think I've lost about 7.
One of my friends has been losing a lot of weight lately, she looks amazing (not that she wasn't gorgeous before). She said that she had to start forgiving herself for things and then the weight just started melting off, and I have a feeling that might be the key for me as well. Especially after this past season. good heavens.
My most recent relationships haven't been the best. The guys weren't all about drawing me closer to the Lord, that's for sure, and I am very aware now of how easy it is for someone to be pulled/led down a path that they wouldn't normally choose on their own. It's humbling and scary really. And I'm thankful that the Lord didn't let it get so out of control. I want to cling to Him and let me lead me... and yet I'm very impatient. (even though I know His timing is perfect)

I've been struggling with the balance of wanting to be seen, and not wanting to be seen by everyone.
Example:
I went to a club this past week to support a friend that was DJing. A few of us were standing around listening to the music and waiting for her turn, and a very drunk man walked by me and grabbed my ass. I had no idea what to do. Its the first time that has ever happened to me, at least coming from someone I don't know. I was mortified, and pissed all at the same time. (In other words, I don't like being noticed in this way) Thankfully, my friend's HUGE boyfriend went over and told the guy that he wasn't to mess with any of us. And then the guy that was making sure everyone had their hand stamped came over and apologized and promised that it wouldn't happen again. (being protected is a much better kind of attention.)
however, when I go to church (the place that should have a lot of guys that would have the same beliefs as I do) I feel ignored. Or invisible.
How do you connect? How do you get talking to someone? How do you meet someone?
The age old dilemma I guess.
Its not like I want to go to church and get hit on, I certainly wouldn't expect to be standing there and have some guy walk past and grab my ass. But really, the kind of man that I would want to marry would more than likely be at church. It would be extremely ironic for me to find someone of that quality at a bar. How funny would that be?!
And I strongly feel that it's not my place to pursue a relationship, so how do I let it be known that I'm open to one? I realize that we go to church to seek the Lord, but it's also a time of fellowship with others. So what do I do? I joked with a friend about making a t-shirt that says "Available: call...." modeled after the billboards. I'm afraid that it would only attract the type I'm not wanting to attract. Same goes for the idea of a "singles ministry", though honestly, I have been tempted to go to a different church to check out their singles ministry. LOL.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I need to work on some artwork, and go to the gym... i've been slacking.
the sun is out and the snow is almost all melted. hallelujah. I can't wait til spring!