ponderings.

it's been several days since my last entry. I'm still doing the Daniel Fast, I've decided to keep going until February 12th. Which is 40 days, and also happens to be my friend's birthday party. I plan on eating cheese.. you better believe it. haha.
I still haven't lost a whole lot. It's a bit frustrating, knowing that in previous years I typically lost about 30 pounds. This year, so far, I think I've lost about 7.
One of my friends has been losing a lot of weight lately, she looks amazing (not that she wasn't gorgeous before). She said that she had to start forgiving herself for things and then the weight just started melting off, and I have a feeling that might be the key for me as well. Especially after this past season. good heavens.
My most recent relationships haven't been the best. The guys weren't all about drawing me closer to the Lord, that's for sure, and I am very aware now of how easy it is for someone to be pulled/led down a path that they wouldn't normally choose on their own. It's humbling and scary really. And I'm thankful that the Lord didn't let it get so out of control. I want to cling to Him and let me lead me... and yet I'm very impatient. (even though I know His timing is perfect)

I've been struggling with the balance of wanting to be seen, and not wanting to be seen by everyone.
Example:
I went to a club this past week to support a friend that was DJing. A few of us were standing around listening to the music and waiting for her turn, and a very drunk man walked by me and grabbed my ass. I had no idea what to do. Its the first time that has ever happened to me, at least coming from someone I don't know. I was mortified, and pissed all at the same time. (In other words, I don't like being noticed in this way) Thankfully, my friend's HUGE boyfriend went over and told the guy that he wasn't to mess with any of us. And then the guy that was making sure everyone had their hand stamped came over and apologized and promised that it wouldn't happen again. (being protected is a much better kind of attention.)
however, when I go to church (the place that should have a lot of guys that would have the same beliefs as I do) I feel ignored. Or invisible.
How do you connect? How do you get talking to someone? How do you meet someone?
The age old dilemma I guess.
Its not like I want to go to church and get hit on, I certainly wouldn't expect to be standing there and have some guy walk past and grab my ass. But really, the kind of man that I would want to marry would more than likely be at church. It would be extremely ironic for me to find someone of that quality at a bar. How funny would that be?!
And I strongly feel that it's not my place to pursue a relationship, so how do I let it be known that I'm open to one? I realize that we go to church to seek the Lord, but it's also a time of fellowship with others. So what do I do? I joked with a friend about making a t-shirt that says "Available: call...." modeled after the billboards. I'm afraid that it would only attract the type I'm not wanting to attract. Same goes for the idea of a "singles ministry", though honestly, I have been tempted to go to a different church to check out their singles ministry. LOL.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I need to work on some artwork, and go to the gym... i've been slacking.
the sun is out and the snow is almost all melted. hallelujah. I can't wait til spring!