I decided that thursdays are weigh in days. I only lost a pound this week. I spent the last three days working my butt off helping to paint a random house. I'm tired, I'm sore, and everyday the guys would order HUGE hamburgers, and I would sit there with my granola bar... sigh. I'm thankful I didn't gain weight, I would be giving up for sure if I would have. I don't know if i'm just not drinking enough water or if I need to stop eating peanut butter again or what.. can I just say, admit to you, that I'm really frustrated by this? If I think too much about it I'll go into a tail spin. It took me a week and a half over Christmas to gain 7 pounds (i'm not exaggerating.. this wouldn't be something I would boast about)... how is it that it's taken me 25 days to lose 5?! Oh Lord help me. I know if I give up now I'll just keep gaining weight. And really, this isn't about not loving myself, this is about loving myself enough to know this weight cannot be good for me. It just feels like I'm being punished if I can't have something I want... my body is like a 3 year old at the grocery store that insists that they HAVE TO have that random shiny box of sugar coated goodness or THEY'LL DIE... WAAaaaHHHH!!!! so I'm slapping my inner child and telling her she can color to her hearts content but she's not getting the pop tarts, or the bacon, or the mountain dew... Here dear, have a banana.
I've half jokingly decided that this all can be blamed on the spirit of Heaviness. about 67 pounds of heaviness. LOL. pharaoh pharaoh, oh baby let my people go...! So I'm praying that the Lord releases me from this. It is oppressive, all joking aside. And I'm tired of carrying it around.
on a complete other note...
I woke up this morning from a random dream. My grandma (we called her Nana) was in it, and she bought us all cars. (She passed away in 1999 and I don't remember her ever being in any of my dreams before). I'm not sure what inspired her to buy us all cars, but she decided she wanted to. I saw the car she gave me, and I started crying and gave her a huge hug. I really liked it. I got in it and it had purple carpeting. It was a manual transmission, and didn't have power steering. It seemed like a cool older model car, compact, like it was from europe. I remember thinking about my actual car, and started thinking about car insurance and how i was gonna pay for 2 cars and what state I was going to register the car in... goodness.
what an odd dream. It made me miss her.
guess that's all for now. gotta go grocery shopping, and then off to help move and assemble furniture at a friends house. does that count as "weight lifting"?
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